Understanding that you didn't cause his homosexual attractions should help you understand that you can't fix them, either. If he chooses to try to uncover and heal the underlying problems that led to his homosexual symptoms, it will be his work to do, no one else's. Some parents in particular are sorely tempted to try to take over their son's healing process for him. It won't work. He must decide he wants to change, and once he does, he must be at the controls. You may be along for the ride, offering support and encouragement, but not trying to run his life.

If it seems too difficult to stand by and let him lead his life as he will without intervening all the time, you may find it helpful to read literature from Al-Anon (Twelve-Step support groups for family members of alcoholics) or S-Anon (for family members of sex addicts) about surrendering the compulsion to control the lives of loved ones whose lives seem out of control.

Now, having said that you can't fix him doesn't mean you can't support him. You can be immensely supportive by creating a loving, nurturing environment that will be as conducive to healing as possible. As we said earlier, in some ways, many of us felt "loved out" of homosexuality either by God, by loving family and friends, or all of them. Let's look at some specific things that loved ones can do to help.

To put those specific actions in context, however, first you need to understand one more critical fact about homosexual problems. (See next section, "It's a Guy Thing".)

Go back to "How Family and Friends Can Help"