Many people have sought to change unwanted homosexual feelings. Some have succeeded completely. Others, only in part, or not at all. Many, perhaps most, have become frustrated along the way at times when they did not see results as quickly or as completely as they would have liked. Some give up, apparently convinced that since whatever they have tried has not worked (yet), nothing will ever work.

Roadblocks

In our own lives, we found that we hit roadblocks to change when our efforts were not as broad or as comprehensive as needed. This happened, for instance, when we focused all our efforts on just one aspect of healing - on spirituality, for example - but resisted necessary work on overcoming estrangement from men and masculinity, or on healing emotional wounds of the past, or on discovering and meeting our authentic needs.

We also hit roadblocks when we were unwilling to do whatever it takes, and everything it takes, to change. "I want to change, as long as no one ever finds out I have this struggle," some of us said. Or, "I want to change, but only if God does all the work," or, "but only if I don't have to break out of my comfort zone," or "but only if… (fill in the blank)." As they say in the Twelve Step programs, "Half measures availed us nothing." Often it turned out that the very thing we were most resistant to changing was the most important thing about ourselves we had to change!

An Integrated Solution

In his book, Growth Into Manhood (Harold Shaw Publishers, 2000), Alan Medinger writes (page 239) that homosexuality is not a single problem or conflict, but a group of problems that together produce homosexual attractions. Each of these problems must be dealt with individually, he writes. So it was that we found that reducing or eliminating homosexual feelings and causing heterosexual desires to develop required life changes in four broad, overlapping areas: